So I had a lunch today with an associate and partner from my firm. They were on a re-con mission trying to ascertain what I wanted to be when I grow up to be a lawyer after the bar. They also wanted to know if I was available to work over the summer.
The summer part was easy to answer. I'm going on a couple of trips, studying for the bar, and spending lots of time with my family. Not negotiable. The firm doesn't require anyone to start until the 2nd week in September, when the entire "class" gets orientation at HQ. I was a little nervous stating my plans, but I was completely unwilling to scrap them just because I was afraid of what they would think. And it was fine. Easier, than I thought it would be. They both thought that was well-planned, because frankly, they will own me starting in september and for quite a long while thereafter. I don't need the money since hubby works (at least I won't if they send me that stipend). Why not take one final time to rest? And I know studying for the bar sucks, but I meant August and part of September.
The harder part of the conversation was "committing" to where I wanted to practice. And I'm fully irritated with myself because there I weenie'd out. I am getting my first choice but something not even on my radar is evidently now on my lap, and I'm not sure how to extricate myself from it. Sigh. I think it's something to just wait and see and tackle when I get there. There are at least 3 other areas that I would much rather do than that one.
Aside from that kerfuffle, now that it's all over, I'm wondering if I will really love being a UCC goddess?? I mean, I know, what's not to love??? But seriously, it all seems so final. And I know that isn't true; people change practice groups all the time after they've tried something for a few years. It's odd to think that from a smattering of classes though, that you are supposed to have an idea of how what you learned and liked actually translates into as a practicing attorney.
I feel stupid that I'm even pondering on this. I know it's not final. And I know that making the wrong choice isn't permanent or career-damaging. It's just so, well, momentous. Maybe it's the whole graduating and looking at what you have at the end of three years. It isn't unreasonable to want to feel like you can point at a particular thing and say "yes, in three years of effort, I set myself up to become a UCC goddess." Anything less sounds, well, like floundering for three years. I should not attempt to wax philosophical when I'm tired. I guess my point is that I'm a goal-oriented girl. I take steps towards achieving a particular goal and when I get close to accomplishing it, it's time for a new goal--further in the future. so that's what this is really all about for me--what's the next thing to work to? And knowing what I want to be when I grow up sure seems like a pre-req for setting that goal.
I know. I have issues. Love me anyway?
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